January 1998


Overall things great…

but had to vent some more (while I’m thinking about it) regarding my captioning situation.

I think if I write it down somewhere it helps to 1)forget about it <at least in my immediate consciousness> and 2)it takes care of itself faster.

So,

before all of my hearing was lost, I attended several lectures/presentations/speakers outside of the regular routine of school. (even when extra-credit wasn’t involved… because I sincerely wanted to—it was viewed as part of the University experience)

I even took the initiative to take my FM system (portable) when my hearing deteriorated. I did not hesitate to do this.

Now, I am finding myself in a situation where I really want to do something… hear intellectual lectures.. and the lack of sufficient resources (specifically captioning) is a barrier.

We need a solution.

I am not conceding my education due to challenges.

This barrier will be traversed.

Time for rest!

After doing some more reading on mailing list—

about rehab after vestibular surgery…

that you have to retrain your brain to accept the way things are (even though they are way different than before the surgery), is the way things are supposed to be (normal…).

I had never thought of it that way with that part or my brain/body…

It was quite apparent that my hearing was “new”…

it made sense that I was re-learning how to hear.

But with balance and motor functions..

just amazing.

I can recall some of the frustration—

the brain/mind thinking that these are remedial, simple tasks, but the body not cooperating…

it is much similar to how now with my little left-hand finger… how my brain tells it to resist movement, but I can not “push” against even a weak force.

All of this really supports that:

I (and humans in general) am very adaptive…

Work through situations… new strategies.

It is simply amazing at how much my body has (had) to adjust to functioning with abnormalities. (well, maybe not so simply…)!

And again, Mom was right when she would harp on me about the importance of rehab—

and doing all of the exercises as soon as I could.

 

I think there is a lot to be said about our ability to adjust to change. In my opinion, it is not specific conditions that complicate our lives, but the changing of conditions and the necessary modifications that must accompany them.{Although this is also what makes life exciting!} I guess this is just a culmination of all of my experiences. The conditions are not so bad in themselves, but in relation to prior existing conditions, they pose distress. Most certainly because negative change results in loss. Humans are so accustomed to a lifestyle of acquiring. It is a natural process of everyday. Eating, shopping, learning, etc. We often do not even realize the daily gifts we receive from others. (friendship, etc.) As I think about this, I believe it is so because as we acquire things, we move into a state where we have them… where we can depend on them. When we lose things (both material and immaterial*), we are displaced from our position. A part of our foundation disappears.

Addendum (07/2006)
* Intangible is closer to the meaning I was trying to convey.