January 2009

I went to sleep with the outward orientation of healing amd calm, yet woke before even one cycle of rest. The buried edginess is what catches me off-guard when I need uninterrupted rest the most. So I give in, get up for a bit, finish that last few pages of the book I set aside to go to bed in the first place. The kickbacks of any pain meds on my system render them a poor gamble when they are most needed. My self-talk includes gratefulness for being, love, and shelter, even as my body knows its own tricks to survive.

And now–back to the sack.

3am the previous

Left arm, mouth, and tongue were most affected this time. Some verbal and motor involvement was minimized by slowing down activity sequences (talking, etc). Responders were great–just a couple snags. ER dr had the best professionalism of probably any I have had while conscious (n > 5, with recency bias).

I’ve been trying preventative measures in full force since last June. My guiding principle: We control what we can, and try to flow the best we can with the rest. Receptive to healing and opportunities… need to reinforce this foundation before building higher, so I’m gonna go back to the fundamentals of the basics. It’s all good and interesting, right?

“Be excellent to each other.”

I’ll find it. Many thanks.

A well-underway post that I am polishing before posting because I’d really like to stop saying I’ll fill things out, but then neglect to do it. It’s still gonna be rough and brainstormy, but I wasn’t aiming to write so much tonight, starting at 11 to beat midnight, and ending incomplete. Until I started writing, I had no idea the sheer volume of material that had been nudged by a few recent discussions, and their connections to ongoing debates, dilemmas, and developments. But the trailer: it’s the closest I’ve ever come to having a New Year’s Resolution. Only it’s not all that new, although it is certainly progressive.