“I’m glad my surgery is just a little over a week away. Good timing. No guarantees, but I am psyched up for relieving my spinal cord and nerve roots from so much compression. I can totally see this being like what my 1998 brain stem surgery did for me. That is best case, and I’ll focus on that and deal with what actually happens, like we always do.”

“In any moment, choose enduring emotions wisely.”

It’s a course I didn’t get up to in my CE/GEOS curriculum, yet I have been reflecting on it more recently–particularly with respect to air as a fluid, walking on land, and walking in the pool. Two weeks of M-W-F visits to the therapy pool, and we missed Monday, but we were back today. Again, the Yin/Yang aspects of proper form and relaxation, drew my attention. What’s nice about having my background (athletically and via medical recoveries), is all I internalized and stored in my toolbox without realizing. So much was turned into fun play, even when it was work. The breakthrough today was at least double. First, I decided to ditch the noodle and take advantage of the forgiving fluid in the pool. This put more of my attention on the tactile sensation of my feet, and a more natural striding motion of my hands and arms, which contribute to better form. (In-between, some of these sessions when I’ve really set out to bolster strength/form/balance, I evaluated my mental approach, also. My orientation in the past had been to be receptive to improvements, but not expectant. I set out today with a commitment to relaxation.) Instead of getting bogged down in the lack of roll/elasticity from heel to toes and propelling forward while fending with excessive lateral dips, I was back in my comfort zone of enjoying learning how my body moves, and controlling what I still can(#2 breakthrough from the woman who taught me to walk again again again).

Moments of flow.The process is still the product.

Not everyone will comprehend what’s going on initially. There are deep-seated notions that are so ingrained, they will even keep repeating them, as if saying it discounts emerging experiences. Be kind. Be patient. Keep flowing.

That’s love.

In the span of the past 22 years, while intra-cranial, brain stem, and peripheral nerve tumors succeeded at punching tickets for many world petri-dish tours (and many other tumors happily hopped with Przybysz), the former* dumbbell-shaped tumors, particularly in the thoracic region of my spinal cord, were generally happy with the spectacles of neural activity spurred by the over eight times of losing and rebuilding of my legs/walking**.

I am truly blessed to be alive, and to have this present opportunity of building up some targeted support areas prior to surgical intervention. Tomorrow commences our weekly sessions at the site of the trifecta rebuild of 2009.

I’m at peace with all the cells in my body. I work with them, they work with me. Like any relationship, it’s all about respect and reciprocity.

Move this!

* They are now dendritic and inhibiting the flow of spinal fluid.

** Cane on campus, at 18? Liberating. The joy of walking! Golf cart stories? Priceless!
Acting as a twenty-something example for elderly neighbors who were reluctant to use mobility aids? Down with stigma; all hail function!